Being girlfriend-less (even though I'm not anymore)

Last night my roommate had company. Lots of company. The apartment was full of people when my gf and I returned from our date night. As soon as my roommate noticed my gf and I zigzagging through the crowd to get to my room, he blocked the way and offered us weed. My gf and I said no thank you, but my roommate insisted. Based on the euphoric expression on my roommate's face and his theatrical body language, I could tell he was drunk or high or both. I convinced my gf to wait for me in my room so I could have a word with my roommate. Cue my gf entering my room and closing the door behind her. I pulled my roommate aside and asked him what the fuck was happening. My roommate automatically apologised for all the bodies in our apartment and promised that everyone would be gone by 10 o'clock. I made him aware that it was almost midnight.

My roommate swung his arm around my shoulders and asked if I was planning to make midnight love to my gf. I said that was none of his business, but yeah. My roommate hugged me without warning and whispered the word "understood" before raising his voice and unexpectedly announcing to the living room filled with random strangers that it was time for everyone to go "be Gen Z" somewhere else because I needed peace and privacy to fuck my gf. For no reason whatsoever, my roommate decided it was necessary to explain to whoever was paying attention that my gf was, in fact, a girl, and not a guy, because I was not gay, despite my parents believing that I most definitely was gay because of a butt plug my younger self failed to prove belonged to someone else. I interrupted my roommate and awkwardly encouraged everyone listening to literally ignore everything that just came out of my roommate's mouth, except for the part about leaving.

All of a sudden I heard a random voice saying "we must pray" before everyone closed their eyes and bowed their heads. I looked at my roommate who looked back at me like he was telepathically saying "just go with it bro." Someone promptly paused the music at that moment. It was only then when I noticed the playlist being displayed on the TV was titled "Christian Crunk." The person that said "we must pray" proceeded to pray. It was a guy wearing a shirt with the words "More Lord" on it. More Lord used the power of prayer to encourage his "fellow brother in Christ", aka my roommate, to continue leaving his door open for many more nights of praise and worship. When he was done praying for my roommate, he moved on to me, which I added to the fucking plethora of WTF moments happening at that point.

More Lord didn't know my name, so he went with "my young brother who plans to fornicate tonight." He prayed for me to get blessed with enough wisdom to at least practice "safe premarital sex" before asking his omnipotent dad to heal my relationship with my parents and to provide me with all the answers to the questions I might have about my sexuality, so that I would never feel ashamed about exploring the bottomless treasure chest of things that pleasured our bodies. By the time More Lord was done praying, it was passed midnight. More Lord hugged me afterwards. His fellow brothers and sisters in Christ did the same. When all of them were gone, I looked at my roommate like what the fuck.

To sum up the unnecessarily long story I had to hear, my roommate invited a group of Christians to our apartment because he was attracted to one of the girls in the group. A girl who was only attracted to religious guys according to him. But since he was not religious, he thought he might as well pretend to be in the most elaborate way possible. Hence the Christian cult in our apartment. I walked away without commenting because I wanted to save my energy to, you know, "fornicate." However, when I entered my room, my gf was passed out. I followed her lead and called it a night. What happened last night was hands down the most bizarre and uncomfortable experience I've ever had with random people I've never interacted with before. I thought they were gonna Midsommar my ass.

TL:DR Roommate invited a Christian cult to our apartment without informing me. I made the mistake of confronting my intoxicated roommate and confirming that I was planning to sleep with my gf, which he turned into a public announcement that prompted the Christians to pray for my soul and subsequently preventing me from having sex because my gf, who was waiting for me in my room, ended up falling asleep.