My very nerdy, shy friend had the biggest dick I’ve ever seen

I laughed so hard writing this.

I went to law school so I'm no stranger to nerdy men. They are my people. I speak their language. They were my favorite people to drunkenly make out with.

One of my friends was particularly awkward, but eight shades of adorable. He was a late bloomer who hadn't yet figured out he was attractive, and could never quite work up the nerve to ask me out. I found out he was a virgin about halfway through 2L year, and assumed it was because he was so shy.

I now have other theories…

Btw yall, he went into patent law and married a literal model. I just want to say upfront that this guy ended up ok because this story gets rough.

He lived with eight of our classmates in a huge group house just off campus. I went to a party one night at his place and the two of us ended up flirting. Actually, I attempted to flirt with him as he remained mostly oblivious to my advances. I was desperately trying to turn the conversation spicy and he was going off about how his Ivy League alma mater cut him from robotics club or something. It was some serious nerd shit I wasn't really following.

I don't mean to come across as an ass. I was drunk and kind of bored. Sue me.

Finally, I kiss this dude. He tenses up, looks at me with absolute terror, and then apologizes. I ask him for what and he says, "That was the wrong thing to say, huh?" I just shrug. Then he adorably puts his drink down, grabs my shoulders, and very awkwardly kisses me back. He was noticeably nervous, but it was really sweet.

He pulls back, grabs a bottle of wine, and suggests we go to his room to talk. I ask if he's trying to just get me drunk and alone and this poor dude is mortified and apologizes profusely. Obviously, I'm kidding so I just take his hand and drag him upstairs.

I immediately sit on his bed and he awkwardly paces around the room and tells me about his legos. His. Legos. Then, completely unprompted, he tells me he's a virgin and I shrug and explain that I already knew that.

It's law school. We all know everything about each other.

I also tell him we're not about to have sex. I really just want to get a little tipsy and make out with someone. He loves this plan. He explains he's had a crush on me for a while and I tell him I've always thought he was really attractive. This is the confidence boost he needs to tear himself away from said legos, tear off his glasses, and come make out with me. He gets on top and we start very lightly dry humping.

So, that's when I feel it. He is very hard through his pants and he is… large. Large is a damn understatement. Sometimes it's difficult to get an accurate size estimate through jeans, but there was no mistaking the abnormally large bulge. He pulls back and apparently sees my shock and gets really nervous, asking me if something is wrong. I just shake my head and we got back to making out.

But damn it, I have to see it.

I very gently work my hand down his back, around his belt, and finally reach for his crotch. Holy fucking shit. I'm trying to calculate how this poor man walks straight. Meanwhile, he thinks I'm just giving him a handjob over his pants and is muttering between kisses how good it feels. In reality, this is more of an exploration mission for the sake of my gender.

I slip my hand in his pants and kind of touch him for all of two seconds until he leans back and says he needs a minute. I am fine with that because I am legitimately still processing the fact that my fingers couldn't even fit around it.

"Is something wrong with you?" He asks as he reads the confusion on my face.

How does one explain this to someone who is seemingly oblivious? No one ever sits you down and educates you on how to tell someone their dick is abnormally huge.

 

I dive in. "Ok dude, I just have to ask, has anyone ever told you that you have a massive penis?"

He turns bright red and can't look me in the eye. "Sort of."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, a girl told me once it was above average."

I'm shook this has never come up in conversation. To this day, I'm not sure if he's just being shy or if I'm the first person he has this realization with, but he is genuinely taken aback.

"Do you watch porn?" I ask him.

He kind of shrugs and gives a small nod.

"Ok," I go on, "have you ever noticed that you have a significantly larger dick than most men in porn… Who all have above-average dicks?"

I promise I am not trying to embarrass this poor, shy man, but I am also so fucking shocked I'm being awkward AF. Idk how to respond to this either.

He starts laughing and says I might just have a small sample size. I promise him that's not the issue. At this, we both start giggling and the tension finally breaks.

He asks if I want to see it and I very enthusiastically say yes. If I'm already in Paris I'm not going to skip the Eiffel Tower. He pulls down his pants without hesitation and lets me just stare for a couple of seconds.

I don't know whether to be impressed or terrified. I've tried to write this a million ways and the only word that comes to mind is “monstrous."

"I really cannot emphasize this enough, but you have the largest dick I have ever seen. Ever."

He's smiling so big now and looks pretty pleased with himself. He asks if I'd ever want to see what it felt like and I tell him I don't think it's even possible. Like bro, I have deep-throated some large dicks before, but I'm pretty sure this dude would not even fit halfway down my mouth, much less in other places.

"You're going to make some girl very happy one day," I tell him. "Possibly a little sore for a while, but very, very happy."

He keeps trying to kiss me after that but the magic is kind of gone. We make out for a bit, but then I tell him it's getting late and that I need to head home. I also need to Google if he has some kind of medical condition because I was not aware this could occur naturally.

While I did not tell anyone about this encounter, he apparently let it slip to one of his roommates that he did indeed have the biggest dick I've ever seen. I didn't even mind that the rumor spread through our law school like wildfire. This dude fucking slayed the rest of our time in school. He hooked up with more girls than the movie star we graduated with. This dude did not graduate a virgin.

I was invited to his wedding a while back. The bride gave a speech about how he's full of surprises.

She's the real hero of this story.